internal feud

a few days time gap
living like a Hikikomori at the moment 8)
no really,i havent been feeling well since last week.so i'd rather stay at home than having to risk the whole class of sick people.though,all these days of being a shut in will surely come to an end.since im almost completely well by this moment,it's just too hard to get back up.
you see,these past few days people had been speaking my name.that's one thing i dont get.i was never too friendly to begin with,so I should be the least of their concern.no thank you.
one thing that bugs me,there are other people in a worser position than me.and pretty damn well they got away with things.why?just because they're having a stable educational and monetary feed so what,others dont get to worry if they end up screwing their papers?they still have a tube of support as a backbone.and it's a different story for me i presume.people see me as the guy who are purely uneducated,the one who're always wasting time with delusional fantasies,and not aware of my own future.
honestly people,learn to see things from others point of view.
I am about to complete my 12 years of compulsory education,and you're telling me i dont have the gist of my own future.

i started on painting studies,colour theories,industrial,concept,architectural,post and pre production for what?hobbies?over school study time?when i dont have a background in art.it was more than that,mind you.
i had a passion,and you called mine a waste of time.
would you not be offended,son,if you had a call on photography,and i call that a straight-up waste of your parent's money.implying that you were merely following the trend.im sure you would.

this is great.a two-in-one rage post.Le Fu~
that aside,im kinda sad actually.with my 3 score in A's being a less relevant to sitting in a science class.Ironically,pendidikan seni is one of them.
a month before spm and i'm regretting the fact that im a science student.just nice.
anyway my number of B's increased.there's hope there.the rest are pure science and math subjects.
funny how i used to have a huge passion on science.my only problem was the educational approach.
it made me hate them.
and how weak students are not given the chance to improve but rather,shunned and given cynical sarcasm over our own stupidity.never fails to make my heart ache everytime.
though i would never put the blame on educator.they worked hard enough.its a matter of how the students see things.
bein overly sensitive sucks.i wish to get rid of this as i grow up.

i ranked 16th on the last exam.but why do i feel so timid,so inferior compared to others below me?

i dont know if they feel the same,but the numbers doesnt worth a thing to me.i dont see the need of bragging on a higher rank number if your results are like crap.mine included.i hate the ranking system,why?because of competition.those above tend to look down on others,while those below are deemed to eat the spit of the higher ups.
competition makes you a better person?I beg to differ.I long for equalism.i wish for a bit of humbleness,in every person's heart.
would the world not be a better place then?

i should be getting back to school now.its hard to face the public.but its harder being a neet.
i just hope that people would be kind enough to not make an offensive remark over my absence.

inb4,i do study at home.in fact,more than i do at school.so worry no more.i am more than pleased,learning in my most comfortable surrounding.