internal feud

a few days time gap
living like a Hikikomori at the moment 8)
no really,i havent been feeling well since last week.so i'd rather stay at home than having to risk the whole class of sick people.though,all these days of being a shut in will surely come to an end.since im almost completely well by this moment,it's just too hard to get back up.
you see,these past few days people had been speaking my name.that's one thing i dont get.i was never too friendly to begin with,so I should be the least of their concern.no thank you.
one thing that bugs me,there are other people in a worser position than me.and pretty damn well they got away with things.why?just because they're having a stable educational and monetary feed so what,others dont get to worry if they end up screwing their papers?they still have a tube of support as a backbone.and it's a different story for me i presume.people see me as the guy who are purely uneducated,the one who're always wasting time with delusional fantasies,and not aware of my own future.
honestly people,learn to see things from others point of view.
I am about to complete my 12 years of compulsory education,and you're telling me i dont have the gist of my own future.

i started on painting studies,colour theories,industrial,concept,architectural,post and pre production for what?hobbies?over school study time?when i dont have a background in art.it was more than that,mind you.
i had a passion,and you called mine a waste of time.
would you not be offended,son,if you had a call on photography,and i call that a straight-up waste of your parent's money.implying that you were merely following the trend.im sure you would.

this is great.a two-in-one rage post.Le Fu~
that aside,im kinda sad actually.with my 3 score in A's being a less relevant to sitting in a science class.Ironically,pendidikan seni is one of them.
a month before spm and i'm regretting the fact that im a science student.just nice.
anyway my number of B's increased.there's hope there.the rest are pure science and math subjects.
funny how i used to have a huge passion on science.my only problem was the educational approach.
it made me hate them.
and how weak students are not given the chance to improve but rather,shunned and given cynical sarcasm over our own stupidity.never fails to make my heart ache everytime.
though i would never put the blame on educator.they worked hard enough.its a matter of how the students see things.
bein overly sensitive sucks.i wish to get rid of this as i grow up.

i ranked 16th on the last exam.but why do i feel so timid,so inferior compared to others below me?

i dont know if they feel the same,but the numbers doesnt worth a thing to me.i dont see the need of bragging on a higher rank number if your results are like crap.mine included.i hate the ranking system,why?because of competition.those above tend to look down on others,while those below are deemed to eat the spit of the higher ups.
competition makes you a better person?I beg to differ.I long for equalism.i wish for a bit of humbleness,in every person's heart.
would the world not be a better place then?

i should be getting back to school now.its hard to face the public.but its harder being a neet.
i just hope that people would be kind enough to not make an offensive remark over my absence.

inb4,i do study at home.in fact,more than i do at school.so worry no more.i am more than pleased,learning in my most comfortable surrounding.

homecoming

look at my previous post,now look here.how long has it been since i last wrote here.yes,almost a year without update.fortunately im alive and healthy along those period.its just that i didnt had the urge to feed anything here.things happens,let them pass.nope.i couldnt say that i was busy,nor losing my touch to write.everytime i tried to write,my mind would just float away in void.for instance,writing a crappy-as-possible forewords.when i couldnt think of anything,the cursor would just randomly floats on another tabs.then i'd forget what i was doing before;writing on my blog.the thoughts in my mind had always been the same every now and then.and its getting worse.it tends to let go of those minor little details and eventually forget.some calls it being carefree,i say its a nuisance.wait...not really the right word but how would you feel if your mind are easily occupied by other things when you are trying so hard to focus on a single subject?saying "its okay,you have a lot of time" constantly in your head.i guess its similar to attention deficit disorder,where you are not in control of your focus,always being occupied with your surroundings.my mind is that bad.i dont know which part of it is in defect.the thing is,im losing control of my focus.i couldnt keep track with my time.everything is in a mess.A MESS.

i may be calm on the outside,but its a whole different story inside.useless emotions are easilly stirred.oftenly getting worked up over a little thing.may that be the cause?is that why i couldnt think properly?would it not be better if i just forget those little things and move on.there,im letting go of things again.i really need to sort this out...

sometime i picture myself in point A,and whenever i had something to do i'd mark a point to B.
point A to B lies side-by-side,there isnt any gap in between them,nothing between me and my objective isnt it?
hell no,with my current condition,i could easily wanders to point WTFBBQZ.those are the distractions i had to deal with,every time.

you see this post is also going kelaut,an example right here.what a way to greet my blog.the point is,i didnt manage to write anything due to the said circumstances.stupid but true.i couldnt think properly.

along those time of my absence...a lot of stuff happens.from my first visit to Comic Fiesta to spending a week in Perak,representing the state of JOHOR to the National english drama competition.hahaha i know,the latter sounds completely impossible for a guy like me,but blimey.It happened.will be featured in the next post.
more things worth mentioning...crap ive already forgotten about them.reading my previous posts made me feels like 2010 was only yesterday.

speaking of previous post,ive noticed that i wrote some crap about my reasons on writing this blog.well the first part is true,but what the heck,screw the rest.i could've gotten myself a diary if that were the case.i believe i have the freedom to write whatever my mind expresses,and has the right to share.as long as i keep my butt safe from various 'ISA'(apart from the diminished one) wouldnt want to spread my useless ideology to the whole world.inb4 it would be called FAEZSM.looooool.

also my blog header is getting old lol.its soo irrelevant.so does my blog name.why didnt i think of something much cooler like the infamous freedom of association,mistisfile,blogserius or something along those line.harhar.
i can see some of my friends still updating their posts here,but not as frequent as they used to.some moved to tumblr,some just simply stopped.i still remember the time where blogger was like the shizz,everybody has them,everybody wants to express their few cents.and some ended up in the principal's office.told ya dawg,know your limit.when it comes to blogging,slandering and backstabbing statements are to be avoid.
meh,i made one long b4 anybody else back in livejournal.but only started posting craps here along with the others.
had a few readers.for the wrong reason i was being symphatized.maybe because of my style of writing that conveys inferiority in accordance to being humble.the mood is down most of the time,i could hardly write any upbeat joyful stuffs.so reading my blog is like reading a world war veteran's journal.wow bad metaphor,no wonder i screwed my BM.

thats about it for now.let this day be a mark for a constant update :d  

why do i write？

its a question ive always been asking myself since i started blogging.but i had it all in mind,the answer.
Yes,i like to question myself a lot.

I didnt,i do not write for praise nor publicity (read:borders are literary)
I dont write with the intention of bringing people down,to put a person in shame,false accusation or even slandering.no.
And i wont insult other people no matter how hateful the individual is.

I'd avoid writing about politics,federal constitution,governmental issues and of course,conspiracy theories,as my knowledges are as thin as a paper.what i'd say might be viewed differently from other perspectives.though it would be a good food for sarcasms.
avoid,not ignored.

And im damn sure im not a traffic monger.the visitor counter up there was just for show.as accurate as it is,yes.but most of the views are from me myself,checking out how dumb my blog looks everytime i posted somehing new.there you have it.i dont give a damn about how much people would sit and stare at my page and piss away just like that.

So why?



Why do i write?



Ever heard of the word 'personal blog'?

Ever wondered why i had never once promoted my blog on other websites?facebook,for example.it isnt so hard to copy paste this link to the latter,
poof! blog shared,craps updated.people kind enough to visit,followers increased,traffic jammed,haters increased.rant about how much the haters hate you,hey,why not let the whole world know of your prideful haters?share on facebook!
there goes the same publicity roulette.

What would i get?
A thin line of privacy.
It aint that personal now is it?

Actually my memories arent that good.weak,in other word.thats why i tend to forgive and forget.i have no obligation of reminiscing the past fault.why i prefer active over passive.

The reason i write was to record the events in my timeline,the occurances that brings memorable moments in my life,so it would not be forever vanished in this rotten memories of mine.so i would have remembered my early days when im older.
The sweets and bitterness of life,the luxuries i shared despites the hardship i strived.
I dont see the need of an overrated publicity.because i am a mere nobody.
If you happens to stumble accross my blog

Welcome to my life :)




yes im a narcissist i'd show people what i have,in the name of appreciation.but i know my limit.

black ops

as the title suggest,its all about black ops this time.yes,the highly anticipated game of the year that was made as the highlight of interweb traffics mainly centres in game and hardware forums and again,a title that sparked yet another controversy despite its hollywood-rated cinematography,in the end its all about the hype

okay im starting to sound like some guys on ign.
black ops made it way into the platform 3 weeks ago.i got the game a week later.
i really wanted to see how it turned out,so i bought a copy of it.illegally.
my first impression on it was...very satisfying.
there are some parts that had blown my mind,n there are some which appears dull throughout the level.
the second mission on vorkuta left me with repetitive playback.i  kept playing that level over and over again.
reasons?the reappearance of Viktor Reznov.

            "Victory cannot be achieved without sacrifice, Mason... We Russians know this better than anyone"

that same Reznov from World at war Russian campaign,how i loved that campaign.his inspirational word of wise was what drove me forward,regardless how much of a failure i experienced throughout the level.i may be exaggerating things here.im not even Russian,lol.but it all seems surreal.the character itself was meant to seed the patriotism and love for the country,the sacrificial willingness crucial for ensuring victories.
funny,i find myself repeatedly chanting the 8 steps to freedom at the event of the vorkuta raid.
worse,i felt a great loss as the prisoners drop like flies,one by one
and the death of  Sergei kozin,the monster of Magadan left a big gap in my head.
what a waste of potential it was

feeling  mixed up emotions of fictional game characters?someone help me. (;_;)
ive wandered off too deep into the understanding of visual culture,now i wonder if im still normal *sigh*

another thing that made the game great was the fact that Mason was voiced by Sam Worthington.that dude who played  Jake sully and Marcus wright.what more can i say,he did a pretty damn good job on the voice.

regarding the storyline,it was acceptable.i liked it better than modern warfare2,which was damn straightforward and predictable.meh.
for someone who oppose the mainstream as myself,i needed a twist;just like what black ops had offered.though the whole thing was made for the mainstream,anyway.
though the game did sparked another controversy,just as its predecessor did.
where you were ordered an assassination on Fidel Castro,while he's probably living his days with his family somewhere on the other side of the earth.

i dont see why i should hate Treyarch.he did a great job on this,not the perfect kind of game that deserves a solid 10 out of 10 but it was worth it.totally a top of the chart for a fps game.

people buy modern warfare for the change of pace,from the early days of world war to the modern-day crisis.Infinity Ward had done it,the game received multiple awards in 2007.
then came world at war.people buy it,thinking it was from the same developer,just to be turned down by the revert of setting back to WW2 by Treyarch.
modern warfare 2,the most overrated game of the decade,if not year,was the pride of all gamers.
it seems to me that IW got cocky and end up making the multiplayer tad imbalanced.too much,actually.
it was too mainstream.too much of a cliche.nil
i still remember those past few months where you couldnt escape from a featured "MW2 Kill Montage" clips somewhere around your youtube homepage.im sick of it myself.
now dont be surprise if black ops had taken the throne.


thats it for now.its the first time im writing an up to date on video games,as i just got my graphic card a few months ago.and i didnt own a supercomputer before.or even a console.

Ledang sweet Ledang

yaawn dh lama aku tk feed kjadah ni
anyway i was away for a few days.sekali sekala balik kampung
celebrated Aidiladha there.


spent the rest of the day at cc x)
i have to admit,the cc there is quite nice.
less people,decent connection and rig build that left me with a butthurt.that butthurt.
a GT240 with 3GB ddr2 each.
shame on you ewave,kingsurf & SP
the kids there werent as screwed as the kaki paw here in Perling.
most of them were minors,
yes.i was made as a pathetic excuse by my lil cousin,who's currently 10,
just to get him into the hole safely.
eagerly mentioned before,most of them were minors.somewhere around 7-12.
daw,kamon.even nk bukak game pn aku kne babysit satu2.
inesen lagi,rasanya blum merayap into 'that' deeper region of  interwebs x)
in the end,i find myself enjoying a short LAN party with those kids.
it felt great to be accepted.lol.


bagus la, motif dah kelaut.
certain thing yang nyata berbeza,here and there;temperature yg slightly lower.
not that significantly lower,
but hey,anything better than a living sauna


and oh,celcom bb.u suck there.


aah no,aku tak join sembelih.mau2 aku yang mnangis kang.serious aku lemah bab2 cabut nyawa binatang ni.


My blog deserves a name,like the rest of my things.something easy to call.hey,its personal (-A-)

meh

a lot of things happened this month




~.~






gonna pile it up in the next post.not in da mood to write.not gonna think about it.
minds at war with pens & paper.
oh well.patience is the cure for all suffer.
bene rem gere  ^__^










enjoy,Beatus from imperfect harmonies.my favourite song of the album. :->

imperfect harmonies

don't compare it to SOAD. It won't compare. Matched with
Serj's first album, the differences in style and lyrical content are
staggering. But that doesn't make it any less good. Each song is
gripping; Serj's vocals soaring above the instrumentals, sticking in
our minds. The messages contained in each song are incredibly
deep, and meaningful.
For Serj to make an album like this, for it to sound completely
different to his natural area, and for it to be good, is a great
achievement.
Unlike Linkin Park's latest album,(my bro's current earworm) which tries a similar approach,
Serj surpasses them by miles. His new sound is relaxed, and
won't alienate fans should they look at it with an open mind.






Serj, I applaud you.